A Walk To Remember
At the service today (which was overly religious IMO, but it was beautiful nonetheless) we read this poem outloud before we walked to the gravesite. I couldn't read it, and my DH just held me as I sobbed while others around me recited the eloquent words. I thought I would share it, as it really is a beautiful poem.
A Walk to Remember
I walk to remember--
The Steps you'll never take.
I carry you with me--
As I firmly plant my feet.
Our trek started long ago,
Before my belly swelled.
You were a love that grew--
Like butterfly wings that beat.
Your gentle flutters then became--
Kicks upon which I would dwell.
And I would talk to you, sweet babe,
About the world you soon would meet.
The sun always shone upon us then--
When you were in my womb.
And I was eager to show you the world--
That would have been your home.
How you'd have loved the sun shining--
Blue skies without a cloud.
The autumn leaves turning--
The snow falling all around.
The flowers in the summer--
Would have filled your eyes with smiles.
And the rain that might have fallen--
Would have caused you great surprise.
You would have traveled far with me--
Holding me by the hand.
And I'd have shown you all I could--
More than I could imagine.
You hold my HEART tightly now,
As though we're holding hands.
How far we've traveled little one--
And my life with you has been sweet.
For I carry you in my heart,
As I firmly plant my feet.
-Kathie Mayo, 1986
They planted a tree at the cemetery in memory of all of the children who has passed on. We wrote our babies' names on slips of paper, and then dropped the paper in the hole where the tree will be planted, so that they could "become one" with the tree. The tree will shade the foot of the plot where all of our babies will rest. It was so sad. All of these women, all of these families. Some big, some small... all in one place for one thing... a loss of one (and sometimes more than one) child. They gave us two tulip bulbs to take home to plant in memory of our child. I am kind of scared to plant them... as I always have had a BLACK thumb, and I would be devastated if I happened to kill them... but I am determined to find out how to make them flourish... as I think it really would be beautiful to have tulips in the spring.
Something a bit eerie about the whole ceremony though, that almost bothered me were these two women (one with her husband beside her) they allowed to speak and share their stories. The first one had not lost a baby this year... her child had died almost 3 years before, during her labor at full term, and she delivered her stillborn. Her daughter was born just 5 days before Alexis, and ironically her name was Alexa. I thought that was a bit chilling. Then, the second woman came up to speak, and she starts talking about having a normal pregnancy until at 20 weeks they could find no heartbeat. She was induced and also delivered her daughter stillborn... which they named Reagan. I was floored when she said her daughter's name... as I don't hear a lot of people naming their daughter this... and I almost got chills down my spine when I realized the two stories that had been shared today shared likenesses to the names I chose for my children. I realize Alexis is a rather common name now... but I hardly ever hear Reagan at all. It made me realize that every life is really precious, and a miracle. Their stories could have been MY babies they were talking about. *I* could have been up there with a story about MY Reagan, or MY Lexie. I couldn't even imagine. This is hard enough not even knowing the sex of the baby, and never seeing my child... but to be able to actually hold your baby, and name him or her, just to let them go for eternity... I really could never imagine. I will be thinking of all of those families tonight when I go to sleep. May they all find solace and closure soon, as I hope I can too. Today has been an extremely hard one.
A Walk to Remember
I walk to remember--
The Steps you'll never take.
I carry you with me--
As I firmly plant my feet.
Our trek started long ago,
Before my belly swelled.
You were a love that grew--
Like butterfly wings that beat.
Your gentle flutters then became--
Kicks upon which I would dwell.
And I would talk to you, sweet babe,
About the world you soon would meet.
The sun always shone upon us then--
When you were in my womb.
And I was eager to show you the world--
That would have been your home.
How you'd have loved the sun shining--
Blue skies without a cloud.
The autumn leaves turning--
The snow falling all around.
The flowers in the summer--
Would have filled your eyes with smiles.
And the rain that might have fallen--
Would have caused you great surprise.
You would have traveled far with me--
Holding me by the hand.
And I'd have shown you all I could--
More than I could imagine.
You hold my HEART tightly now,
As though we're holding hands.
How far we've traveled little one--
And my life with you has been sweet.
For I carry you in my heart,
As I firmly plant my feet.
-Kathie Mayo, 1986
They planted a tree at the cemetery in memory of all of the children who has passed on. We wrote our babies' names on slips of paper, and then dropped the paper in the hole where the tree will be planted, so that they could "become one" with the tree. The tree will shade the foot of the plot where all of our babies will rest. It was so sad. All of these women, all of these families. Some big, some small... all in one place for one thing... a loss of one (and sometimes more than one) child. They gave us two tulip bulbs to take home to plant in memory of our child. I am kind of scared to plant them... as I always have had a BLACK thumb, and I would be devastated if I happened to kill them... but I am determined to find out how to make them flourish... as I think it really would be beautiful to have tulips in the spring.
Something a bit eerie about the whole ceremony though, that almost bothered me were these two women (one with her husband beside her) they allowed to speak and share their stories. The first one had not lost a baby this year... her child had died almost 3 years before, during her labor at full term, and she delivered her stillborn. Her daughter was born just 5 days before Alexis, and ironically her name was Alexa. I thought that was a bit chilling. Then, the second woman came up to speak, and she starts talking about having a normal pregnancy until at 20 weeks they could find no heartbeat. She was induced and also delivered her daughter stillborn... which they named Reagan. I was floored when she said her daughter's name... as I don't hear a lot of people naming their daughter this... and I almost got chills down my spine when I realized the two stories that had been shared today shared likenesses to the names I chose for my children. I realize Alexis is a rather common name now... but I hardly ever hear Reagan at all. It made me realize that every life is really precious, and a miracle. Their stories could have been MY babies they were talking about. *I* could have been up there with a story about MY Reagan, or MY Lexie. I couldn't even imagine. This is hard enough not even knowing the sex of the baby, and never seeing my child... but to be able to actually hold your baby, and name him or her, just to let them go for eternity... I really could never imagine. I will be thinking of all of those families tonight when I go to sleep. May they all find solace and closure soon, as I hope I can too. Today has been an extremely hard one.
2 Comments:
At 9:44 PM, Lindsey said…
Oh wow hon. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this. And I got chills too after reading about those two women. I am still praying for your family, and for the beautiful children that you have!
At 10:52 PM, Angel Dreamz said…
Beautiful poem. Sad stories, but I am glad you got to have your service.
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