'Tis October Already
October is such a busy month. Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Down Syndrome Awareness Month. Reagan's Birthday, Madison's Birthday. Halloween.
And the funeral.
The hospital does a mass funeral for everyone who has ever miscarried this last year, and they do it right before the 15th (which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day). They have a service and bury your baby's remains (in its own box) in a mass grave. She said they send you home with a flower bulb, so you can plant a perrenial in your child's memory. It's all supposed to be really nice, but I have mixed feelings about it. The funeral is on Sunday the 9th... which happens to fall on the same day as Maddie's birthday. *sigh*
When I miscarried, October 9th seemed so far away. I was taking every day one at a time... and October felt like a million years away. How time flies. I can't believe how fast it all has went.
When I realized it was October, my stomach turned into knots. I am not ready for October. I am not ready for the funeral. I am not ready to be encompassed in sadness. I don't want to bury my baby. I know some may feel like it wasn't a real baby since he or she was never born, but my baby had already developed hands and feet, fingers and toes. My baby could kick and swallow. My baby was... well, a baby. You should never have to bury your child. It's heartbreaking.
On a lighter note... my friend Michael has decided he is coming up on the 8th. We met online several years ago, and I had the pleasure to finally meet him last February, and then he was sent to back to Iraq. He's coming up on the 8th to go to dinner and go play some darts. I told him I could stand to drink a couple drinks... and it all should be a good time. I suck at playing darts, but for some reason when I am drinking, I am just drawn to them. I hardly ever drink... so I guess that's why I suck... I don't ever get enough practice LOL!! It should all be a good time... and I am hoping to get some more pics of us together ;) Will post them when I get a chance after the festivities.
And the funeral.
The hospital does a mass funeral for everyone who has ever miscarried this last year, and they do it right before the 15th (which is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day). They have a service and bury your baby's remains (in its own box) in a mass grave. She said they send you home with a flower bulb, so you can plant a perrenial in your child's memory. It's all supposed to be really nice, but I have mixed feelings about it. The funeral is on Sunday the 9th... which happens to fall on the same day as Maddie's birthday. *sigh*
When I miscarried, October 9th seemed so far away. I was taking every day one at a time... and October felt like a million years away. How time flies. I can't believe how fast it all has went.
When I realized it was October, my stomach turned into knots. I am not ready for October. I am not ready for the funeral. I am not ready to be encompassed in sadness. I don't want to bury my baby. I know some may feel like it wasn't a real baby since he or she was never born, but my baby had already developed hands and feet, fingers and toes. My baby could kick and swallow. My baby was... well, a baby. You should never have to bury your child. It's heartbreaking.
On a lighter note... my friend Michael has decided he is coming up on the 8th. We met online several years ago, and I had the pleasure to finally meet him last February, and then he was sent to back to Iraq. He's coming up on the 8th to go to dinner and go play some darts. I told him I could stand to drink a couple drinks... and it all should be a good time. I suck at playing darts, but for some reason when I am drinking, I am just drawn to them. I hardly ever drink... so I guess that's why I suck... I don't ever get enough practice LOL!! It should all be a good time... and I am hoping to get some more pics of us together ;) Will post them when I get a chance after the festivities.
2 Comments:
At 12:16 AM, Bug said…
You'll make it through just fine...and I lurve ya bunches sissy :)
At 11:38 AM, Tara V. said…
A mass funeral? My God that seems like self inflicted unnecessary torture. I suppose peope deal with things in different ways, and I know in my heart that you will deal with it the best way that you see fit to do so because you are a strong woman and I believe in you. Personally, I couldn't go through that myself. You are stronger than me!
xxx
Post a Comment
<< Home