Waiting Period

Today I have smiled more than I have the whole week. I haven't cried really, except I think one episode, and it ended really quickly. Things might be looking up.

When I had my miscarriage I was told I couldn't have intercourse for 3 weeks. Three weeks isn't a long time in the whole grand scheme of things... I mean, I have been with my husband for about 5 years now... and 3 weeks outta 5 years is just a drop in the bucket. But, when you look at it now... without comparing it to all of the time we have been together, or all of the time we will be together, 3 weeks sounds like forever.

I just want to hold him. And be with him... and to say the unthinkable... I want to make another baby with him. I guess it's hormones, or the pre-existing want for a baby... but today I really want to try again. I feel like saying that aloud is crazy. Now I guess I know what couples feel like when they endure multiple miscarriages and endless heartbreak, just for one more hope that they could be granted their own little miracle. I guess it's a good thing we have to wait for 3 weeks. This way, we can both think long and hard if this is something we really want to do.

I spoke with my DH about it tonight, and he totally dodged the subject. He is afraid he will lose me. He told me if it was something I knew I wanted, than he wanted to do it too. I know he's afraid, but I guess I have been thinking about what everyone has been saying, "What are the chances it could happen again?" His reply to that? "Ask the guy who got struck by lightning 14 times."