Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad, Rejection Monster?

I graduated in March with a degree in Marketing Management. Before I went to school (for 3 years) I had a handful of crappy jobs but I always managed to stay stable and keep a job for quite awhile. My first job was at a computer store and I worked there for 4 years. I also had a job at a convenient store, was there for a year and then we moved outta the area... so I couldn't work there anymore. Good thing too, cuz my boss was such a bitch and she was waaaaaaaaaay taking advantage of "yeah, I can work a couple graveyards on the weekends" And she made it into "Here is your new fulltime position.. I hope you like working with weirdos and freaks who can't sleep and come buy icees at 3:30am." Jeez... what a lazy slack ass she was. After there, I got a job at Target and I worked there for about 3 years. My ex got me fired from there cuz he would never watch the kids (and he wouldn't let me put them in daycare), and when I tried to reapply a few years later they laughed in my face. That's the thanks I get for making them millions by getting the most people in my area to sign up for that highway robbery Target Card they were pushing. I didn't wanna work there anyway. That's the first interview I have ever went to that I didn't get the job for. Talk about a reality check.

After that I stopped looking for a job. I was going to school fulltime and I was busy enough with papers, and finals, and everything else. I didn't need a job. Until my last quarter. I worked at the Women's Shelter and that was a huge waste of time. And then I graduated. I haven't looked for a job since then.

Now I have my degree, no job, and loan bills getting ready to come in. And I am too afraid of rejection to go apply for jobs. I don't know what to do. My husband goes to school fulltime, and he wants to get a job just so we can pay the bills and have some extra cash. I have my website, but that's so sporadic, I never know how much money we are gonna have each week.

I wish I could get over this... I feel so bad. I come up with every excuse in the book. I don't wanna go get a job if I am gonna have to quit cuz I get pregnant. We don't have daycare. Why don't we wait until Madison is in school? I don't wanna settle for a job, I want a career.... the list goes on. And on. And on. *sigh* Of all things to be afraid of, rejection is the worst. It's so hard to get over it. And it paralyzes a person into not doing something they really want to do.

Oh to have a job I want to go to everyday. But to get the job, I have to get the interview.